So I am loving being my own boss. I wish work would pick up though. It has been slow going, but I know it is always a struggle at first. Today I went with a friend around to drs/dentists offices and gave the secretaries goodie bags. Every single person I gave one to today was immediatly happy. Their reactions were awesome. Most of them acted like that was the best thing to happen to them today. I am really hoping we hear back about them. I am really tired of not having any parties. But I really think I am on the right track.
So two weeks ago today my grandpa died. For the first week I was so depressed, couldn't even cry, but totally couldn't even function through the week. I finally broke down after about a week and really cried. I didn't know that I had some of the feelings bottled up like I did. That first week I couldn't even figure out my feelings. The one feeling that has plagued me is guilt. Over the past few years I have been increasingly distancing myself from my grandpa. He lives in Oregon and I live in Florida, how much further could we possibly get. I knew I wasn't going to see him often, so it hurt less if I just didn't contact him. I wrote a few letters, sent a few Christmas cards, even sent a few pictures. Last year at this time he got really sick and we thought he was gonna die. When he didn't I booked us a flight to Oregon for two weeks so we could see him and my family. Out of the two weeks I saw my grandpa for three hours. There was a lot of family there for the first two hours and it was chaos. The last hour was so strained. I could tell my grandpa was tired and I just didn't want to be there anymore. He did get to meet his only great-grandchild for the first, and only, time. I haven't "had time" to mail out the latest pictures of Hunter and was going to do that when I found out he was dead. I did send a picture of Hunter when he went into the hospital this summer from a stroke, but haven't sent him anything since then. I feel so horrible. I knew that the last time we saw him would be the last, I guess I kind of closed up. Now he is gone and he will never know how much I really loved him. I miss him so much. I guess the moral of all this is to please please please keep those you love close to you. You never know when they are gonna be gone forever.
Well, Hunter is almost 17 months old now. He is getting to be such a big boy. He is into everything. We have decided it is time to stop nursing now completely. That is pretty rough, on both of us. We found that he has an allergy to regular yogurt with any flavoring in it. I guess the preservatives react with him, but when it comes in contact with his skin he turns all red in that area. Guess it is back to baby yogurt for now. Other than that, he eats like a big boy now. Today he even ate his lunch sitting in a regular chair. He was so good about it. He was very very proud of himself for it too. I am really not ready for my baby to grow up, but like it or not, he is.