Heidi's Blog

WEEK 11

I am on week 11 now. The morning sickness is not getting any better. I have almost decided on no more kids. At least not without adoption. I know that I will probably change my mind and that it is just because I don't feel good right now. But I am pretty miserable.

I am getting close to the end of the first trimester. Most of the baby's critical development will be over in the next couple of weeks, and the odds of miscarriage will soon drop considerably. My baby has all his/her parts, from tooth buds to toenails, and is busy kicking and stretching, and it moves around. The fingers and toes have separated. Now it will spend the rest of the pregnancy growing larger and stronger until it can survive on its own outside the womb. A dark vertical line of pigmentation, called the linea nigra, is supposed to form on my stomach. This is because my uterus has risen.

Pictures

Pictures!!! Click continue reading link to see them. The baby is lying on its back, so the huge blob on the right is the head we think.

1st DR APT

My first dr's apt was today. I was soooooooo nervous going into it. My biggest concern was that I was having my first ultrasound. I was so worried that something was gonna be wrong. I needed to see the heart beating to know the baby was ok.

Today was the happiest day of my life. I saw AND heard the baby's heart beat. My baby is healthy so far. I am sooooooooo happy. I think that today, I am the happiest person on earth. I am convinced of it. I am due October 22. I can't wait to find out what the sex is. I really wish that I could monitor this baby all the time. I want to see the baby every day, not just twice through the whole pregnancy. I am so proud.

I was floating all day, until this evening. I am still so happy, but the morning sickness that got put off today started hard. I am really sick right now. Oh well. I am too happy to worry about it now.

Eve

This morning sickness seems to not want to go away. Will it ever end? Please stop making me sick. This baby seems to hate me.

Does it make me a bad mother to not want to be pregnant anymore because I am so uncomfortable? I want the baby, I just don't want to be pregnant anymore. How fair is it that I have to suffer for what someone else did billions or trillions of years ago did? Just because Eve was stupid doesn't mean that I should suffer for her sins. It isn't fair. If she were alive today, I would hunt her down and kill her with my bare hands.

So today I was throwing up before eating again. I have to eat 24/7 to keep from throwing up. I can't afford to do that. And I am feeling rather violent lately. I have morbid thoughts, fantasies, and dreams. Well my dreams aren't morbid I guess, odd, but not morbid. Just my thoughts mostly. I get mad at someone or something and envision doing unspeakable things to them. The kittten cries until I can't take it anymore. I picture throwing him against the bathroom mirror, shattering the glass and killing him. I am not a violent person. I don't know why I have these thoughts and feelings. I don't know where they come from.

This Evening

I am feeling much better now. Dinner helped a lot. I was so miserable all day. Now that I have eaten dinner, I am great.

I ate some breakfast this morning, but still felt queesy. I cleaned a lot though. I tried to take a nap, but Michael came home early. He was home at 1 pm. I was really happy to have him home early. It was great. He even brought me home a present. He got me some bath stuff, lotion, and body spray. It is lavandar which is a big fav of mine. I is also aromatherapy stress-reliever. Very much needed. I sure hope that I can use the body spray. Perfumes make me sick.

We had sonic for dinner. Amazingly it made me feel better than anything I have eaten today. It was wonderful. Now I am resting. I plan on resting the rest of the evening. I am even thinking of playing the Sims tonight.

Today

I seriously hate being pregnant right now. The morning sickness keeps getting worse instead of better. I have been so sick all week. I haven't felt like updating this blog. Michael keeps nagging at me but he doesn't understand. Why won't he listen when I say I don't feel good enough.

So today I got up threw up immediatly. I came downstairs and saw Michael off to work. Then I went back upstairs and threw up again. All this before breakfast. I feel horrible. I have, however, been on a cleaning frenzy. I am resting now though, I overdid it this morning. But it won't get done unless I do it.

Time for rest.

9 WEEKS

So today I started my 9th week. I used the same sources as before for this week as well. Only I went to the next week.

My baby is now growing 20-28 milimeters. All of its major vital organs are developed. It is now active even though I can't feel it. The eyelids are forming. The trunk is elongating and straightening. The intestines are moving from the umbilical cord to the baby as the baby is getting bigger. The baby has toes and fingers, but they are webbed. The tongue is developing. The bones are cartiliidge are hardening.

That is really all that is going on with the baby right now. It is exciting to know that the baby is almost a whole person already, just really tiny. I can't imagine a whole person being so small.

Fatness

I have some depressing discoveries from last night. I am actually getting fat. I don't have a little tummy roll like I am out of shape. I kinda had that already. This is the whole stomach. I hangs over my underware line laughing at me. Mocking me. I hate this part. Where I don't look pregnant, I just look fat. That is the most depressing thing for someone who has never weighed more than 117 in her life. I was 115 at the beginning of this. I can guarantee that I am more than that now.

My ribcage, I knew, was expanding. I could feel the pain of it. I have discovered that I have also gained an inch or two on either side of me. I am starting to spread out all over. Not good. I wanted all of it to go to the front. Sure I am gaining in the front too, but with the rest, I just feel fat instead of pregnant. Am I ever going to look good again? That is the scariest thing for me. I don't want to stay fat. I want to be trim and fit and pretty for my husband. I congratulate those who are heavier normally on being accepting of themselves and liking themselves. I have never been heavy, so I don't think I could like myself. I really didn't much like myself the way I was before. I better stop this thought before I offend someone. I am not trying to. I am praising them.

So, other than some cramping and gas, I feel ok this morning. I would feel better if the stupid kitten had let me sleep. I have discovered, though, that the baby really likes orange juice. I don't seem to want to throw it back up. Yay. Now if only I could find some food that will do the same. I had some big cravings last night. Ended up eating a chef salad and torilla chips with spinach dip. Yum yum. I was a pig yesterday. I ate a whole bag of chips in an hour. Thats right a whole bag. Not one of the individual size bags. I whole bag, for lunch. Then was hungry for some soup. The soup didn't set too well, but soon after, I was hungry again. I didn't, however, eat anymore until dinner. By the time we had dinner, I was sick from not eating. When I don't eat, I start heaving. I heave until close to passing out. The I get a small break and back to the heaving. All because my tummy is empty.

I absolutely hate the medical facilities that are taking care of me, or should I say the lack of care. However, since all my medical is free, including my prescriptions, I should be grateful, right? I still think that they should take care of me better. I think the next time I am up at the hopsital I am going to fill their complaint box. I discovered at least 5 complaints I have, but I am sure I could come up with more.

Oh well, time for some relaxation before finishing up with my laundry and catching up on housework I couldn't do because I went to work with MIchael yesterday.

ARGH

So I had my prenatal labs today. I got there and waited too long. Then when they called me, discovered my lab orders were not in the computer. I have had this appointment set for two weeks. Stupid military medical facilities. They are only subpar on their good days. I hope we move soon so that I can get a different facility. Maybe they will be better.

I woke up this morning feeling pretty good. I got around early because I had to come in to work with Michael. He works at the hospital were all my prenatal stuff is done. It just saves on gas if I come in with him. Of course that means that I have to be bored the rest of the day, but oh well. Anything to save a buck or two.

As soon as we pulled into the parking lot I knew I was in trouble. The car ride was not good for my already sensitive stomach. I have discovered that I get pretty carsick now that I am pregnant. So anyway, I got out of the car and thought, maybe I will make it to the basement bathroom. Michael works in the basement of the hospital and there is a bathroom really close to his office. About half way to the front doors of the hospital, I started to heave and burp slightly. I had a hard time keeping everything down. We got inside and I made a mad dash for the first bathroom I could find. Now, I only had a couple bites of jello for breakfast this morning so I didn't have much to loose. I discovered as I threw up that yesterdays breakfast was partially still in my system. I didn't think that was possible.

I finally got over it and managed to get down to Michael's office. His office mate came in and tried to make small talk. I am really not too crazy about this guy, and I didn't feel good, so I wasn't very talkative. As he was leaving he said "have a good day." Well I said "you too" trying to be polite. He said he probably wouldn't knowing this place. Well as he was leaving I informed him (although I really doubt he heard me) that he couldn't possibly have as bad a day as I already was. It irritates me that some people just complain about stuff and think their life is horrible when they really don't have to deal with anything but doing the work they are required to do. It really gives me a new perspective on what a bad day can be and I will probably never complain about a bad day again unless I am really having one that comes close to what I have to deal with right now.

I have now had 10 viles of blood taken from me and feel a little dizzy. I am trying to drink some water and eat some crackers, but let me tell you, after two weeks of eating crackers, I am very tired of it. I may not eat saltines for a very long time after this pregnancy is all over with. I really don't want them anymore. I am craving stuff that will make me throw up, so I guess for now I will be a good girl and eat my crackers.

I am thinking Japenese tonight for dinner though. I think I told Michael tomorrow, but I really want it tonight if I can get rid of my tummy ache. We are supposed to go downtown Charleston to Tsunamis with some friends. I don't know if they have anything planned for tonight yet. I guess I will have to ask them later.

I really need a nap now. My cat woke me up at 4:44 this morning. I could not get back to sleep until around 6. I had to get up at 6:45, so that kind of defeated the purpouse of going back to sleep I guess. There is a female cat outside who is in heat. Our male cat is not fixed yet. So when she comes around crying, he wakes me up with his crying right back. The horney little snot face.

Yesterday afternoon while Michael took an extremely long nap, some people in a neighboring apt complex were playing their music loud enough for me to hear the words inside with my tv going. Now I know I am moody right now, but noise is something I have never been able to tolerate. If we didn't live in the ghetto, I would have gone over there and beat someone down. However, I did not due to the fact that I am scared for my life as well as the life of my unborn child. Also, I knew if something happened to me, Michael wouldn't have noticed soon enough to maybe save my life. He was too busy sleeping. I had to wake him up after 2 1/2 hours. Talk about a lazy bum. And to make things worse, he slept for 11 hours the night before.

Anyway, I guess this is enough for now. Maybe more this afternoon if anything else happens today.

WEEK 8

I have decided to keep track of everything my baby is doing for each week of the pregnancy. I am on week 8 right now, but will be starting week 9 on Wednesday. The websites I am using for week 8 are:

Pregnancy Guide Online
Adoption.com Pregnancy Calendar
Parent's Place.com

If I had an ultrasound done now, I would be able to see the heart beating. I can't hear it yet, but it would at least be visable. My baby should be growing arms and legs, hands and feet, fingers and toes. The face is also devoloping right now. The baby already has a brain stem and spinal cord. Also the intestines are forming and teeth are forming under the babies gums. The baby is starting to move around at this point as well. It is so exciting to think about him/her swimming around in there. The baby's head is the biggest part of its body right now. This is because the brain is developing. The ears are also forming.

The baby's gonads are forming into either ovaries or testes at this point. I am so excited that my baby now has a gender. My husband and I have been wishing for a girl since we first started trying to have a baby over a year ago. However, neither one of us would be disappointed with a boy. We are going to love this baby no matter what. For about three weeks now, I have suspected that we may be having a boy. I guess I will know in a couple months.

The baby is now the size of a cherry, around 10-13 mm. It is hard to believe that something that tiny grows into the baby we see at birth. The size is so amazing.

My development doesn't neccessarily fit with what any web site says I should. Of course, no woman developes the same way at the same time. My chest is getting a bit bigger. I could actually feel my rib cage seperating this week. That was very painful. I have gross blue veins all over my chest. I look kind of like a vampire from Buffy the Vampire Slayer tv show. My stomach is slightly bloated, so my pants are starting to not fit right. I am pretty much on track. Since I haven't had my first doctors apointment, I don't know if I have gained any weight. I really don't think it is significant yet. But that will come in a few weeks.

How My Morning Was

My husband set up a blog for me last night. He thought it would be fun for me to record my daily pregnancy issues and such.

Today has started out ok. I was feeling pretty good when I first got up, but Michael hadn't cleaned the cat box all weekend. The smell bothered me quite a bit. I got him up so we could go get McDonalds for breakfast. But then I had to run to the bathroom to throw up. That is pretty normal for me anymore. Morning sickness has become a big part of my daily ritual the past few weeks. Anyway, I digress. The problem this morning was that I had absolutely no food in my stomach. So I just dry heaved over and over for a good 5 minutes. It felt like longer. I just couldn't stop. I could feel my stomach coming up through my throat. I am so miserable most days. I just can't decide yet if all of this is really worth having the baby I have been dreaming about all my life.