This morning sickness seems to not want to go away. Will it ever end? Please stop making me sick. This baby seems to hate me.
Does it make me a bad mother to not want to be pregnant anymore because I am so uncomfortable? I want the baby, I just don't want to be pregnant anymore. How fair is it that I have to suffer for what someone else did billions or trillions of years ago did? Just because Eve was stupid doesn't mean that I should suffer for her sins. It isn't fair. If she were alive today, I would hunt her down and kill her with my bare hands.
So today I was throwing up before eating again. I have to eat 24/7 to keep from throwing up. I can't afford to do that. And I am feeling rather violent lately. I have morbid thoughts, fantasies, and dreams. Well my dreams aren't morbid I guess, odd, but not morbid. Just my thoughts mostly. I get mad at someone or something and envision doing unspeakable things to them. The kittten cries until I can't take it anymore. I picture throwing him against the bathroom mirror, shattering the glass and killing him. I am not a violent person. I don't know why I have these thoughts and feelings. I don't know where they come from.